Day Book

Outside my window: Cold crisp air with snow flurries

I am listening to: Christmas music

I am reading: An Amish Christmas by Cynthia Keller

I am pondering: What my plans will be for Advent this year.

I am wearing: A CWU sweat shirt and pj bottoms

In my kitchen: Lasagna, rolls and fruit salad

I am creating: Advent Lesson plans

I am thankful for: Having a second chance in certain parts in my life.

In my garden: compost

A Round the House: Must I think about this right now?

On Keeping House: This is such a challenging area in my life. I am tending house for eleven people and I can’t keep up with all the chores.

Plans for the New Week: Hoping and praying to get caught up on school and house work.

Monday- Total chaos with a last minute change of plans
Tuesday: School, Dr appt and Choir at church tonight for Saint Andrews day.
Wednesday-School, dentist appt, ballet and youth group.
Thursday- School
Friday-School
Saturday- House work
Sunday- Mass, choir, and youth group

Hoping and praying: to survive this week

Living the Liturgy: Praying Saint Andrews chaplet this Advent season

I am listing on my ipod: Pandora Radio

Rhyme and Beauty: Just can’t see this right now with so much going on in my life.

Living Education: Going to down load the Advent Lapbook for this season from Faith Folders

I am thinking: I am thinking of 1000 things and then some.

One of my favorite things: Pumpkin Spice coffee creamer

Sharing my photos thoughts:

Another RADish Day

November 12, 2010
Okay so I have had one of those Radish days. Yep my RADs woke looking for a fight. I knew it was coming, I had that feeling it was coming, because Miss Radish has completely stopped all interaction with me. Heck, I told her it was okay with me and I had no-notta-none-zip, absolutely no hard feelings about this. Yeah, okay it eats me up alive, but no way on earth was I going to let her know this. That would be like giving her a knife and turning my back to her. Like I would do that! So what made Miss Radish snap, well it was a simple question from her oldest brother. He made the fatal mistake to tell her to read something out loud to him and she snapped at him like a poisonous snake waiting for its prey. I jumped in and took over which most often leads into full rage, because after all- in her eyes I have NO business telling her anything, let alone to imposes or enforce my rules upon her. She and only she are in control of Miss Radish life and she will make sure you understand that through her actions, her words, and her rages. The rage came when I wrapped my arm around her and told her all was okay, the questions were simple to answer and she would not be harmed in any way by answering her brother inquiry. I knew it wasn’t about the question that was causing her to rage, it never is about what happened at that moment in time. No, her pain and wounds are so much deeper than that. Something in her unconscious state brings her to this moment that we must witness all too often. Something I desperately try to comprehend, trying to grasp hold of her pain so I can also be in that moment with her, but I simply can’t understand as her trauma is more than human should ever have to endure. Since I can’t mentally be in that moment with her I ride out her physical rage with her, constantly reassuring her she is safe here and no one will ever hurt her again. She is safe with me I whisper over and over and over into her ears until the rage flows into a valley of tears and her ridged body turns to mush. This rage was the shortest one yet, lasting less than an hour. Together we regulate her back to reality. I rejoice in this, give my silent praise to God and see this as a promising act of healing taking place. I celebrate it internally being very cautious not to show anything outwardly as I know Miss Radish will sabotage my joys in a blink of an eye. Later she does just that, sabotage over takes us all when her rage returns two more times that night. I am totally exhausted and all too helpless in the last rage. I don’t want to hold her, so I step back and allow her to try to regulate herself. She must learn to do this, I know this from the bottom of my heart, but it kills every being of me to watch her rage. No longer do we have professional help just a call away to walk with us hand in hand with while she rages. What knowledge we have comes from blogs and web links that we stumble across late at night, searching for any information that will help us parent our Radish While in her rage she goes the to motions of having a server side ache that she informs us that she need to go the emergency room, grasping at anything to get out of being responsible for her actions, so I don’t back off, instead I watch her making sure she stays safe as her rage starts to die off. Finally her rages ends, it is now ten at night. It ended just as quickly as it started is seems, but in reality it lasted ALL day. Miss Radish comes out of the rage with only one concern on her mind. Can she still go to school tomorrow? I give her my answer, holding my breath, “No, you will not be going to school in the morning with that terrible side ache you seemed to be having for the last two hours”. I bite my lip and say my goodnight to her. I know we are not done with this rage because I didn’t cave with her demands of going to school. Exhausted I head to bed, restless I know tomorrow will be another HELL Day for us.